Dilemma: Installing A Lace Wig for My Birthday, February 14, 2020
I struggled with INSTALLING a lace front wig when dressing up for my 49th birthday celebration. I knew that four days after Valentine's Day, my birthdate, that I would have another MRI. MRI's have become my new regular and will be for the rest of my life.
February, for the most part, is the month of love. Relational love, brotherly love, sacrificial love, and love as you know it. For example, Black History, observed in February also, is a type of love and respect for the black race. This post is about a healthy SELF LOVE. It's about the self-love that God helped me to accept during my time of significant outward physical change.
Medicines, aging, environment, surgeries, hair accidents, physical alterations of any kind will change you physically. I mentioned things that we can't control. However, we feel in control when we change our physical appearance to please someone else or become something we're not. I'd rather live by the spirit in service to my God, who is love rather than by following every fad that hits the market. That's not sound judgment.
Romans 12:3 Amplied Version states, "For by the grace [of God] given to me I say to everyone of you not to think more highly of himself [and of his importance and ability] than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has apportioned to each a degree of faith [and a purpose-designed for service]."
We must ask God to introduce us to ourselves daily. When we live with integrity, there is a beauty that's divine and stoic. To press through suffering from a Christ-like attitude is beautiful.
"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5: 3-5)
Yet and still, we physically change our outward appearance daily. Some of these outer change always doesn't come from the right place. No wonder you'll see me with a variety of new hair do's as I turn a new age over the years. Why do we do this? We work so hard to adorn an outward appearance. Kanye West "All Falls Down" lyrics speak to the mundane nature of America.
"It seems we are livin' the American Dream. But the people highest up got the lowest self-esteem. The prettiest people do the ugliest things. For the road to riches and diamond rings. We shine because they hate us, floss 'cause they degrade us. We are trying to buy back our 40 acres." --(Kanye West)
Here am I, A 49-year-old African-American woman with four small brain tumors that are watched using MRI (Magnetic resonance imaging). A magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scan is a standard procedure around the world. MRI uses a strong magnetic field and radio waves to create detailed images of the organs and tissues within the body. Ironically, I debate gluing a lace wig to my scalp precisely four days before having the procedure done. EXACTLY! Make that make sense. You can't.
Since I turned 43-years-old, I have started wearing wigs. Too many prescription medicines didn't work well with my follicles. But is that an okay excuse to keep damaging them? On the market today, you can purchase synthetic hair for braiding. If you wish, you can have tape hair extensions, clip-ins, hairpieces, fusion hair extensions, grab and go wigs, YOU NAME IT. By the end of the day, you could have a perfect look. For at least six years, I did that and got three t-shirts for it.
But I'm so over the need to have a specific 'look.' Trying to get the look comes at too much of a price to pay mentally, physically, and spiritually. Mentally I became fatigued counting the financial cost of purchasing the lace wig, finding someone to install it, and getting the materials needed to upkeep the new hairdo through my birthday and a few days afterward. Talk about that being frustrating; I then physically went back and forth to the post office, trying to return the lace wig to the vendor. The vendor was in China, and the post office was going to make me pay more to ship it back. Finally, the spiritual distress of knowing that I am better than toiling over hair matters when I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My Everlasting Father told me in Psalm 139:14 that, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." The Message version (versus 14-16) breaks down the verse the best.
"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; You formed me in my mother's womb." I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day."
I love the wisdom of the Word, and I know that it's not a sin to wear wigs. Therefore, one day I may wake up and decide to throw on a wig, and why would I? Because, as Janet Jackson said, "This is a story about control." (Song: "Control", 1986) I love controlling the fact that I can make healthy decisions regarding my hair now, in the age of information. I now know when's the best time to explore different hair alternatives. I'm not going to risk feeling well over hairdo dilemmas. I know who I am in Christ, and if I'm just nappy and natural with my afro on a particular day, then so be it. I could care less what society thinks of my afro. Therein lies my spiritual growth, "Body and soul, I am marvelously made." (Psalm 139)
The dilemma of INSTALLING a wig (not a grab and go wig), four days before an MRI won't be a dilemma going forward, ever again. I celebrate life just being fearfully and wonderfully me. Self-love and natural self-care is LOVE.
So you mad. God can handle that. Are you bitter? He can handle that too. Frustration, anger, bitterness, rage, and whatever else you throw at God, He can handle it. Now being hot (angry, disappointed, or mad, etc.) with God is better than being lukewarm or fake. Stated another way, being real and authentic with God is far better than being fake and disconnected from Him. Please don't pretend for God stated, "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked. (Revelation 3:15-17)
Paul, formerly known as Saul, was angry with God and believers in Jesus Christ. Paul was persecuting believers. But when Jesus blinded him on his way to Damascus, He got Saul's attention. (Acts 9) Saul, now the transformed Paul, becomes a radical follower of Jesus Christ in preaching, working miracles, and educating the body of Christ even in prison chains sometimes.
One of God's names in the Hebrew language is El Chuwl meaning the God who gave you birth. (Isaiah 43: 1-3; Psalm 139: 13-18) Because of who God is, He has complete authority to command His creation and call His servants into obedience. God doesn't need our permission to change some things in our lives to do just that. God created us for His pleasure. "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Ephesians 2:10) God can reason with us because He desires to have a relationship with you. But first things first.
"Come. Sit down. Let's argue this out."
This is God's Message:
"If your sins are blood-red,
they'll be snow-white.
If they're red like crimson,
they'll be like wool.
If you'll willingly obey,
you'll feast like kings.
But if you're willful and stubborn,
you'll die like dogs."
That's right. God says so. (Isaiah 1:18-20 MSG)
Being angry can stem from a great place that you could have quickly buried to avoid dealing with uncomfortable situations in your life. Compounding events, uncontrollable circumstances, and life can bring out feelings you never thought you had, even anger. As I honestly reflect, I know it has for me. Like unsightly pimples on your face, rage tends to start deep within and work it's way to the surface over some time. We say, "fix your face and smile." But how do you fix a deep wound that causes you to become angry and disgruntle towards God and then humanity if you're not careful?
Be Honest with God
Learn to walk honestly in your day and have a conversation with God about what angers you. The famous biblical character, Job, did. Job was an upright man too. Job was head of a large family and a wealthy farmer. He was perfect! (Job 1) Did you know it was God who brought Job to the Devil's attention? Why would God do such a thing? Simple, because He can. That's just it. God can do what He wants because He is Sovereign. At first, Job was okay with this test of suffering from God by responding,
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the Lord be praised." (Job 1:21 NIV)
At some point, Job got tired of waiting on his deliverance from suffering and decided to question God. God reasoned with Job; Job repented and surrendered to the will of God in His life. God blessed him richly for it also. (Job 42:6, 12) You see, trouble isn't necessarily a sign of sin in a person's life. It may be something God allows us to draw us closer to Him.
Deal with Your Anger Before Sunset
If you're angry with God, it's okay. He can handle it. Yet and still, avoid letting the sun go down on your wrath. "Be angry [at sin—at immorality, at injustice, at ungodly behavior], yet do not sin; do not let your anger [cause you shame, nor allow it to] last until the sun goes down." (Ephesians 4:26)
Go ahead, get angry. Don't stay there. Have that tough conversation with God and reason with Him. He's waiting for you. Get to that meeting with God before the sun goes down. Don't be late. Humble yourself before your Creator, and have the most difficult conversation that you've been putting off for quite some time. You'll feel better.