Dilemma: Installing A Lace Wig for My Birthday, February 14, 2020
I struggled with INSTALLING a lace front wig when dressing up for my 49th birthday celebration. I knew that four days after Valentine's Day, my birthdate, that I would have another MRI. MRI's have become my new regular and will be for the rest of my life.
February, for the most part, is the month of love. Relational love, brotherly love, sacrificial love, and love as you know it. For example, Black History, observed in February also, is a type of love and respect for the black race. This post is about a healthy SELF LOVE. It's about the self-love that God helped me to accept during my time of significant outward physical change.
Medicines, aging, environment, surgeries, hair accidents, physical alterations of any kind will change you physically. I mentioned things that we can't control. However, we feel in control when we change our physical appearance to please someone else or become something we're not. I'd rather live by the spirit in service to my God, who is love rather than by following every fad that hits the market. That's not sound judgment.
Romans 12:3 Amplied Version states, "For by the grace [of God] given to me I say to everyone of you not to think more highly of himself [and of his importance and ability] than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has apportioned to each a degree of faith [and a purpose-designed for service]."
We must ask God to introduce us to ourselves daily. When we live with integrity, there is a beauty that's divine and stoic. To press through suffering from a Christ-like attitude is beautiful.
"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5: 3-5)
Yet and still, we physically change our outward appearance daily. Some of these outer change always doesn't come from the right place. No wonder you'll see me with a variety of new hair do's as I turn a new age over the years. Why do we do this? We work so hard to adorn an outward appearance. Kanye West "All Falls Down" lyrics speak to the mundane nature of America.
"It seems we are livin' the American Dream. But the people highest up got the lowest self-esteem. The prettiest people do the ugliest things. For the road to riches and diamond rings. We shine because they hate us, floss 'cause they degrade us. We are trying to buy back our 40 acres." --(Kanye West)
Here am I, A 49-year-old African-American woman with four small brain tumors that are watched using MRI (Magnetic resonance imaging). A magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scan is a standard procedure around the world. MRI uses a strong magnetic field and radio waves to create detailed images of the organs and tissues within the body. Ironically, I debate gluing a lace wig to my scalp precisely four days before having the procedure done. EXACTLY! Make that make sense. You can't.
Since I turned 43-years-old, I have started wearing wigs. Too many prescription medicines didn't work well with my follicles. But is that an okay excuse to keep damaging them? On the market today, you can purchase synthetic hair for braiding. If you wish, you can have tape hair extensions, clip-ins, hairpieces, fusion hair extensions, grab and go wigs, YOU NAME IT. By the end of the day, you could have a perfect look. For at least six years, I did that and got three t-shirts for it.
But I'm so over the need to have a specific 'look.' Trying to get the look comes at too much of a price to pay mentally, physically, and spiritually. Mentally I became fatigued counting the financial cost of purchasing the lace wig, finding someone to install it, and getting the materials needed to upkeep the new hairdo through my birthday and a few days afterward. Talk about that being frustrating; I then physically went back and forth to the post office, trying to return the lace wig to the vendor. The vendor was in China, and the post office was going to make me pay more to ship it back. Finally, the spiritual distress of knowing that I am better than toiling over hair matters when I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My Everlasting Father told me in Psalm 139:14 that, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." The Message version (versus 14-16) breaks down the verse the best.
"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; You formed me in my mother's womb." I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day."
I love the wisdom of the Word, and I know that it's not a sin to wear wigs. Therefore, one day I may wake up and decide to throw on a wig, and why would I? Because, as Janet Jackson said, "This is a story about control." (Song: "Control", 1986) I love controlling the fact that I can make healthy decisions regarding my hair now, in the age of information. I now know when's the best time to explore different hair alternatives. I'm not going to risk feeling well over hairdo dilemmas. I know who I am in Christ, and if I'm just nappy and natural with my afro on a particular day, then so be it. I could care less what society thinks of my afro. Therein lies my spiritual growth, "Body and soul, I am marvelously made." (Psalm 139)
The dilemma of INSTALLING a wig (not a grab and go wig), four days before an MRI won't be a dilemma going forward, ever again. I celebrate life just being fearfully and wonderfully me. Self-love and natural self-care is LOVE.